>Confessions of a New Mom

>Last week as I was driving home from dropping Nathan at daycare, I heard something on the Michael Smerconish radio talk show that caught my attention. He was reading from an article written in Philadelphia Magazine called Confessions of a New Mom. It is an essay about how devestatingly hard having a new baby is and why nobody talks about it. Yeah sure, people tell you it will be hard and you’ll be tired but they always couch it with “it passes quickly and it’s worth every minute”. The books mention that you won’t get enough sleep and you may feel frustrated, but that doesn’t even begin to describe it. This author spoke exactly what I remember feeling when Nathan was born and nobody else I knew seemed to have experienced or warned me about. For the first time in my life I felt utterly incompentant at something I thought I was born for. I had tried for almost a year to get pregnant and suddenly I was wondering if I’d made a mistake. Even though we had no problems breastfeeding and I put him on a schedule almost immediately, I resented the time I had to nurse him.

Multiple women, including me, called into the radio show to thank the author of the article for writing it and sharing exactly what they had felt. One stupid guy called in and said she was blowing it out of proportion and she must not have had a support system cuz he had kids and his wife was a trooper and it wasn’t that bad. Idiot. Let me tell you, I had a huge support system and none of them warned me and they all seemed to conveniently forget what I was feeling after their third and fourth kids. I thought maybe they were all just better at it than me. Maybe none of them had as flourishing careers or were as smart as I was. And no, it wasn’t post-partum depression. I knew that and the author of the article knew that. I was dragging my poor baby to depositions for my lawsuit and people were telling me I made it look easy. Believe me, nothing was even remotely easy about it. But months later I got the hang of it and really started to enjoy being a mom. Now I have amnesia about labor and delivery and all the screaming and lack of sleep. Thank God for hormone induced amnesia!

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7 responses to this post.

  1. >I have heard some of my friends tell me about what you described. They knew it was not PPD but they just felt so damn stupid and like they were just not good at being moms. That so freaks me out because I hope that if I do feel that way, it won’t be for a long time. LOL

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  2. >People I think are more in tune talking about it now than ever before! My girlfriends thank god they are open about that kind of stuff but not everyone is!Like SFG I hope that if I do feel that way it doesnt last for long!

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  3. >For the first two months after I was born, my mother was in tears. I know this not because I have an incredible memory, but because there is photographic evidence that clearly shows her in various states of emotional upheaval. She didn’t have PPD, either. She claims that she was just so completely overwhelmed by the sleep deprivation and my apparently voracious appetite that the smallest thing caused her to dissolve into a puddle of tears.Not looking forward to that day…

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  4. >I was right there with you on this when Buddy was born! and still today as he approaches 2!You might like the following books:Mother Shock: Loving Every (Other) Minute of It The Mask of Motherhood: How Becoming a Mother Changes Our Lives and Why We Never Talk About ItThe Mother Trip: Hip Mama’s Guide to Staying Sane in the Chaos of Motherhood Inconsolable : How I Threw My Mental Health Out With the Diapers

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  5. >If only this book had been out two and a half years ago.And to the guy who called in about a support system let me just say, we aren’t all so blessed. Even now that we moved home to be “closer to our family” it’s a load of crap. They’re still two hours away and it might was well be the 22 hours we were away from them in Austin…

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  6. >the best advise I ever got was to “get enough sleep” and “learn how to nap” – especially NOW that mine are entering pre-teen – it doesn’t get easier, just differentok – it was easier before they could talk back – but I don’t want to scare you – ‘course, I have girls . . . you know that’s why “no one talks about it” – survival of the species – if we had told you would you have done got knocked up?!

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  7. >I have just recently begun to realize what it is going to be like when I have kids. My close friend just had her first baby a couple months ago…and she confided in me that she was feeling this way. She had a tough birth, and told me when they finally got him out by C-section, she felt nothing towards him, and didn’t want anything to do with him. She doesn’t know why. She loves her baby, she and her husband were not planning to start having kids yet, but she dealt just fine with being pregnant, and the fact that they were whether they were ready or not. It freaked me out a bit when she told me how she felt after he was born. She is not going back to work…I can only imagine what mothers who try to breastfeed by pumping and work 40 hours a week out of the home deal with!

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