>Puppy Love

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Puppy Love
Originally uploaded by Mainline Mom

How freakin’ adorable is this photo? Thank you Victoria for the precious outfit Alex is wearing here.

I’m not liking this bitter cold so much. I don’t feel like I can take the kids out in it at all, and I’m running out of things to photography inside the four walls of my house. I suppose I could’ve taken my camera to the playdate I had on Friday, but I was much more interested in chatting with my dear friend than trying to photograph two active 3 year olds. It was really fun, even though I was terribly stressed because Mike called while I was on the way over and said he wasn’t coming home that night as planned.

It turned out to be not that big a deal, as long as no one is grading me on how much TV I let Nathan watch. He has been seriously testing me though, and Mike, and throwing massive temper tantrums leaving us at a loss for how to properly discipline him. Ah the joys of parenting. Time outs aren’t working. Spankings, even sparingly given, aren’t working. Removing certain priveleges doesn’t appear to work most of the time. He’s a stubborn one, when he wants to be. I suppose all children can be. It’s a power struggle. Where do you find the balance between spoiling and being too heavy handed? I need to get me that book “Grace Based Parenting” which many of my friends have recommended. I was definately not happy with James Dobson’s books on discipline.

Don’t tell anybody but Target has some really great stuff on their clearance racks right now. I have quite the collection of Issac Mizrahi special occasion dresses and blouses that I may never wear but I bought because they were less than $10 and how can you pass up something with sequins or lace for that price??

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7 responses to this post.

  1. >B+? :)you might consider “The Happiest Toddler on the Block.” i believe it explains the 3 yr old mind, and how to understand these power struggles from his point of view. from there, disciplining follows his sense and your requirements. here’s the link: http://www.thehappiestbaby.com/toddlers.htmlanyway, i’ve heard lots of great things about this book, so maybe it’s worth checking out of the library.

    Reply

  2. >Cute photo! All you can do is be firm and consistent. It takes a lot of patience, but eventually it will hard wire into their brains. Time out works really well here. 3 minutes for 3 years of age.

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  3. >We went through the same thing with our kids. It’s a phase that they go through and although it seems trying you get through it. We do the time outs and privelage withdrawls but never spank.I wouldn’t take Dobson’s advice on anything.

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  4. >jenifer, thanks for the suggestion, I hadn’t heard of that one! um, thanks, I know you feel me! Time outs used to work but now he will NOT stay in the time out area, no matter how many times I put him back there like on Supernanny. He gets very physical and I have tried holding him there, but that pretty much defeats the point.

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  5. >aack, I feel your pain!! Although this has been going on a bit longer around here. I think Undercover Mutha is right, consistency is the best thing, although it’s hard when you JUST WANT RESULTS!! Which is what I struggle with.We were still dealing with the staying in bed thing until we resorted to taking one of his very special loveys away. We felt horrible, but it got the point across. What if you took away Thomas toys?

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  6. >How I wish I had some good advice to offer you on parenting, but I can’t think of a thing to say. My nephew has a four-year-old, a two-year-old, and a 9 month-old. On two occasions I have helped my nephew with building projects requiring that I spend my nights with his family. His wife is the breadwinner, a doctor, so he is the one who spends the day reasoning with the kids most days. They have opted to raise their kids with a minimum of discipline and no spanking. Whatever they need to get their kids to do, they do it through reasoning. The result from my perspective whenever I was visiting overnight was painful for me to witness. The parent/child competition was fierce even when the oldest was under two years old.Children naturally go through a transition somewhere between birth and school age – the earlier the better – from helpless dependence to willing dependence. Helpless dependence is when crying brings results. Willing dependence is when good behavior and cooperation brings results. Somewhere in between you find the battle of the wills, the child’s will familiar with the crying approach against the parent’s will with either the cooperation approach or the authoritarian approach. The objective is to get the child to realize dependence on parental providence, but too often the child manages to get that providence the old familiar way, by throwing a tantrum, by demanding immediate gratification, by relying on the old habits. It becomes habit for the parents too, providing for needs whenever the crying happens.There is an authoritarian approach, strong discipline designed to force the child to submit to parental authority. I would guess that Dobson would see this approach as the Biblical model. The other approach is to reason with the child to teach the child the need for cooperation, understanding, and compromise. The child needs to learn not to bite the hand that feeds him.I tend to think it’s not an either/or situation. Children need to learn about authority just as much as they need to learn about cooperation. But it’s the goal that needs to be kept in perspective. The child needs to learn what it is to be dependent on parents without being demanding of them. It’s not an easy thing to learn. It takes time. But it helps if the parents understand that this is the goal. Not all families are able to reach this goal.

    Reply

  7. >B+? :)you might consider "The Happiest Toddler on the Block." i believe it explains the 3 yr old mind, and how to understand these power struggles from his point of view. from there, disciplining follows his sense and your requirements. here's the link: http://www.thehappiestbaby.com/toddlers.htmlanyway, i've heard lots of great things about this book, so maybe it's worth checking out of the library.

    Reply

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