>Connecting with Your Child’s Heart

>works for me wednesday at we are that family

Let’s face it, every family has behaviour issues with their kids.  Some more than others.  Sometimes it’s just whining and complaining, sometimes it’s willful rebellion.  TV shows like SuperNanny* demonstrate the skillful techniques of behavior modification that are also grilled into the brains of teachers nationwide.  To an extent, things like “the naughty step” or “finding your child’s currency” absolutely do work.  But the fact is that teaching a child to behave in expectation of consequences, good or bad, often skips over the heart of the matter…your child’s own conscience.  Being able to mold our childrens’ very hearts so that they can choose right and wrong absent of the possibility of consequences is a higher goal than just getting them to behave. 
So here’s where I highly recommend a book that addresses this very issue.  It’s what works for me…at least as far as I put its advice to use.  The book is called “Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes in You and Your Kids” by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller.  It has great advice for teaching kids about the concept of honor. 

Turansky and Miller also have an email you can subscribe to with great, practical parenting advice.  This week they had one I particularly loved on connecting with your child’s heart.  The post concedes that it’s not always easy, and gives eleven very basic ideas, such as telling kids stories about your own childhood without feeling there needs to be a lesson tied in. 

“In short, enjoy your kids and have fun with them. Take an interest in their lives. If you don’t feel like it, do it anyway. Your kids need your playfulness, love, affection, and joy. When you give to your kids, you contribute to their well-being and your family’s strength. Yes, it’s sacrifice, but the time you put in now will go a long way toward reducing friction when it’s time to confront or discipline.”

This totally hit me deeply as my husband has been out of town the past two weeks and I find it difficult to get the basic routine accomplished, let alone finding time for fun and connecting with my kids.  When our energy and patience are sapped, our kids know it and they are the ones that really lose. 

So making an effort to reach my kid’s heart is what works for me, and the book is a great help. 

Also I recommend you check out my dear friend Jo-Lynne’s blog series, Raising Responsible Kids.

*I just realized that my very first blog post ever, more than five years ago, was on my love of the TV show, Supernanny.  I still like the show, though I have learned a whole lot since that first post 🙂


8 responses to this post.

  1. >Alfie kohn: unconditional parenting! phenominal!


  2. >Great post! Definitely something that needs to be worked on every day. 😀 Thanks for sharing!Sherry


  3. >Great post! I think that you would also enjoy reading 'Shepherding a Child's Heart' by Tedd Tripp


  4. >OUCH!! I have not been enjoying my kids too much today! thanks!


  5. >Thanks for the great resource!


  6. >Visiting from Gather Inspirit. I have seen new conversations about touching our children's heart more than their discipline. I need to investigate further in kindling this fire within their hearts.


  7. >Thank you for sharing this link at Gather Inspirit! Great resource too! I have been realizing I need to enjoy my children more and have been trying hard to do that! 🙂


  8. >I'm your newest follower from Gather Inspirit. I love the concept of “connecting with your child’s heart”! That’s something a child will never turn away from, even when grown up.


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